Another long-ass "talk" with my boyfriend last night. He's going to give me a break, but says that won't help fix himself. I'm his problem, and it will help fix me.

I've been feeling so unbelievably depressed. I seriously miss laughing. I seriously miss Really laughing. Not those stupid little giggles I've been giving. Those aren't fucking anything. They're fake. I'm fake. I'm unhappy.

Once again getting no sleep. I leave for school in a few hours. Three hours. I seriously want nothing more than to get away. Far from school, work, I just want it all to be over. Fuck I don't even know what day it is.

I read the history of carrots today. It was actually really interesting.

Oh my god I can't even believe how stressed out I am. About my appearance, my relationship, my own life, my work, my school. And the worse part is, Exams are coming up. I still have so much more to do, another presentation, 2 units ( 24 hours worth of homework) of French, That paper thats 50% of my grade, and whatever is in my history class. With work, they're doing contests, meaning we all have to work extra hard. And Fuck, I just don't care anymore.

I don't care about customers, I don't care about being polite, I don't care about other's "feelings," I have NO patience for anyone, No tolerance for anyone. I've reverted back to my bitchy, defensive, lonely self. And the weird thing is, I like it. I like hurting people, I like abandoning people, I don't like helping people, I don't like caring for anyone but myself.I hate people getting to know me. I hate letting people into my life, I hate not being in control of what I'm doing, I hate feeling restricted. And the only exception is Her.

I'm so sick of everything.

When I get home today from school, I'm going to sleep. The whole day, with no PHONE.